Mr Schrempp is a friend of The Man

I was about to leave work early today. A false fire alarm had been ringing in the building next door for about half an hour already and I was was getting a remorseless headache. Seconds away from clocking off, Mr Boss stepped on up and called me over for my final performance review in Melbourne.

In the following minutes he explained that he considered my service to The Man "Outstanding". While I uttered words and felt feelings along the lines of appreciation, nothing could conceal mine and his short temper at that iredeemable fucking fire alarm, which continued to ring for a further 45 minutes. This is the only time I have seen both genuine praise and genuine appreciation uttered through gritted teeth, although those who know me would know that it was never going to go down any other way.

I consider that all I did was what I was told and anything else that seemed obvious while trying to economise my use of the word "Cunt".

This is apparently enough to see my name forwarded to Mr CEO.