I have had many opportunities to reflect on this in the past eight months, given the interstate nature of my residence.
1. Qantas was an airline in the 1980's. They still have a lot of legacy agreements with the Transport Workers Union that date back to a time when unions and Equal Opportunity were taken seriously. This means that they hire ugly flight attendants. There are still some lookers among 'em, but no more as a percentage than you would find if you looked out the window. In another nod to a not so golden age, the occasionally hot flight attendants are often spoiled by those wretched dot painting uniforms.
2. The meal that is served on Qantas flights ties up the staff so badly that a man just can't get drink service often enough to embark on an airborn bender.
And the only full strength beer you can get is VB. For pity's sake.
3. The last time I flew out from Melbourne at peak hour Qantas had a total of two people working the entire domestic check in situation. The line was fucking long.
4. Qantas have seen fit to only board the plane through the front door. Virgin board through both front and rear doors, so you don't have to wait on the tarmac for twenty minutes before the plane even starts taxiing.
5. I've waited a while for Virgin Blue luggage before, but never as badly as the last time I was dumped at the arse end of Tullamarine by Qantas. I was standing at the carousel for thirty bloody minutes when the PA announced "Baggage from flight QF696 from Adelaide is NOW being loaded onto the carousel" I can only imagine the baggage handlers were out there looking for the weed their colleagues in Adelaide had stuffed in my gear.
6. Qantas flys from Melbourne to Canberra on those dreadful little DC-8 things. The sound the propeller made right next to my ear played havoc with what had started as only a very moderate hangover.
