Straight eye for the "Open minded" guy.

Shop Assistant: Can I help you?

Me: Yes, I'm looking for an article of men's clothing that doesn't cast aspersions over my sexuality. Do you carry such a garment in this fine establishment?

Metrosexuality has not withered away, its powers have multiplied and it has transformed from a trendy alternative, to the prevailing norm.

It is becoming more and more difficult for the openly straight, tall white man to dress himself.

After finding a pair of jeans that did not contain any kind of queer pattern or silly "Dirty" effect* I rushed to try them on, watching my back as I entered the changeroom.

I had taken all reasonable steps and had managed to avoid an actual physical violation. Unfortunately I could not avoid the mental one that arose from having my retinas pierced by rack upon rack of pink shirts, pawed over by men who have haircuts like Luke Reid.

That sight caused initial screaming pain, as my eyeballs felt like they were burning up into nothingness. As vision slowly returned and the pain numbed I knew it was the right thing to complete the transaction and leave discreetly.

*The "Dirty" effect refers to a dye put through the jeans at time of manufacture that makes them look like they have been worn during manual labour. It is meant for people who would squeal in horror if their jeans ever got some actual dirt on them, and also for people who would have a similar reaction to the prospect of doing manual labour itself.