Adelaide Version 2.0

I have the following notes to make about Melbourne

1. It is an armpit.
2. Safeway is an absurd name for a supemarket
3. It is much easier to be an affluent man in Adelaide without being a complete penis.
4. I parked my car in pissing rain for half an hour and it still didn't get a wash. In Adelaide rain
cleans your car. In Melbourne rain makes it dirtier.
5. The coolest thing I have seen in Victoria is a winery. South Australia has these.
6. The whitest taxi driver I have seen in Melbourne was Greek.
7. I know nobody in Melbourne who can teach me about proper furniture.
8. The bling swiss watch place that I was sent to in Melbourne did not known how to adjust my watch to run on Melbourne time, so they told me it was broken and directed me to an old Jewish gentleman to have it fixed. Luckily I found the instruction manual before spending $100 to get nothing done. They couldn't figure it out because the watch was 23 years old. People from Adelaide have more respect for old things.

My brain is still running on Adelaide software, so I see an $800,000 house in Melbourne and think "I'd buy that for $400,000 in Adelaide, gut the interior and start again." Or, "That looks like my parents place did before they spent 15 consecutive years wailing cash on it."

If you remember that Crown Lager is what Victorians call premium beer, you will understand this.